Finding my way…

And it’s been another month since I last wrote…which tells you how little motivated I am to write in this blog…
I do like to write, for the most part, but getting started – well, that’s a different story.  It’s like trying to paint my Cygnar or Tau – no motivation to get started, even when I have enormous amounts of time.  I’m not other people who can just sit down and paint – I wish I could that.  But onto other things…painting isn’t high priority at the moment…

I’m still trying to figure out what to do with my life, the day before my 29th birthday.  I’m almost 30, with no career and still living at home with my parents.  I want to get out, but with no career (and not enough money), I can’t really move out.  This degree of mine, while in a pretty frame, is absolutely useless to me because I can’t do anything with it.  I mean, I could, but that require doing more work that I’m really not interested in.  People ask me all the time why I’m not teaching with the degree I have.  I give them the same answer every time: not everyone can be a teacher.  It takes a certain type of person to teach, and I’m not one of them.  I like kids (my sister has two of them and I work with kids on a weekly basis at work), but it’s not what I want to do with the rest of my life, knowing that there are budget cuts and tuition hikes.  In the end, why go to college?  It’ll be too expensive to go.  I still have the hope that I can apply to the master’s program in entomology at UC Davis, but with the tuition hike, is it worth another 2 years for a career that may not necessarily take off?

I’m always thinking about what I want to do with my life…I can’t really show up at my 10-year high school reunion with nothing – no career, no husband.  So many people have moved out and moved on…I’m still here, doing the things I’ve always done.  I haven’t changed, and that’s what scares me.  I haven’t changed.  I’m still the same person as I was before.  Things -could- be different if I had my own place, but that’s not going to happen any time soon.  I enjoy my job, but a job is a job – I need a career, not just a job.  All the jobs I’ve applied to…interviews come and go but no job offers.  I may not have the required experience, but I’m always willing to learn.  Isn’t that part of the job, the willingness to learn new things?  There is a likely chance that I’m not giving the answers that people want to hear, so it’s my fault that nothing has been offered to me.  I think I deserve something, with all the work I’ve put into the job hunt.  And even as I keep looking, I’m not only looking for myself, but also for my boyfriend.

Until next time…


~ by twilightmelfina on July 13, 2011.

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