Doing what you love…

I’ve been told many times to do what I love – which is being around bugs, especially walking sticks.  Lately, I’ve been doing what has been convenient and pays well, not necessarily what makes me happy.  Sure, there are the good days, the so-so days, and the crap days where nothing goes right, but that’s part of the job.  It’s life.  You can’t predict what may or may not happen.  You hope that certain things don’t happen, but you can never be sure.  The worst things can happen when you least expect it.  It just makes me wonder what really makes me happy, and what I can survive doing for the rest of my life.  I want to study bugs, but to spend another 2 years in school in order to do it?  I don’t know.  I enjoying catching and watching them, but could I spend the rest of my life studying them?  They are prolific survivors, hunters, and gatherers.  They live just about everywhere (except where it’s too damn cold).  They help and hinder the human species.  There are so much to insects that we haven’t discovered yet, and probably bugs we haven’t found yet in the far corners to the planet.  The satisfaction is out there, but is it worth taking the risk to reach it?  I have so many unanswered questions, mostly out of fear of having to move out into farmland (it’s Davis after all) and being away from all the things I regularly enjoy (especially the gaming).

Choosing pharmacy was out of free will, based on what was happening in the economy.  It was only after I graduated that I realized that NO PHARMACY was hiring, so going back to school was the only logical choice.  I could have applied to the master’s program at UC Davis back them, but I wanted to see if the economy and the job market would improve.  It has, a little, as my attempts to find a job is constantly gasping for air as it flounders on the floor trying to figure out what went wrong.  There are always interview questions that have answers that employers want to hear, and I feel that my answers were not the ones they are looking for.  Experience is one thing, but I’m always willing to learn (for the most part).  I enjoy learning (for the most part), depending on the content.  I’ve always enjoyed helping people (for the most part), but ignoring the calling of a love I’ve had since I could pick bugs off the sidewalk – it’s nerve wracking because there’s no one really out there who understands everything that’s happening.  I doubt I could do both – pharmacy and bugs, but self-doubt has let me down before because I didn’t have faith in myself and my abilities.  It’s going to be a lot of work to apply to the master’s program, but I might as well as take a chance.

Until next time…

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~ by twilightmelfina on June 10, 2011.

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