My 2011 Outlook…

I’ve been a licensed pharmacy technician since July 2009 and I still don’t have a job.  Did the entire industry just fall through right when I was starting the program?  It looks like it did.  All the places I’ve applied to have never gotten back to me; it just makes me wonder if my abilities are far beyond what they are looking for.  Do I want more money because I have a bachelor’s degree?  Yes, I think I deserve more money because of that, but I’m willing to take whatever is offered to me because I’m a fair person and mostly willing to compromise (depending on the situation).  Am I not being aggressive enough when looking for a job?  Most places tell me go to apply online, but there’s not much else to do after that.  I know I look younger than I am, but at this age, with my 10-year high school reunion coming up, I should be successful and living on my own.  Instead, I’m filling my empty days taking classes, gaming, working short hours, and volunteering.  I don’t call that being successful.  I never really learned to apply myself in anything I do, and that’s where I see the problem.  I don’t apply myself.  When I do, it’s a half-done job, with no real results or accomplishments.  All these things I dreamed of doing as a kid, and they are still not done, even as a young adult.  Where am I going with my life?  Why did I choose such a retarded major in college?  I can’t do anything with it.

I want 2011 to be different, and it’s going to be difficult because I have to change a lot of things.  Less fun, more work.  Not spending so much on food.  Going to the gym more often.  I don’t make resolutions because there’s so much out there for me to change and resolutions are only going to slow me down.  I tried therapy in college but I wasn’t comfortable talking with the therapist; there was no real connection.  It felt like she had to pry the answers out of me, while I dragged myself to counseling every week.  Medication doesn’t work for problems like this, so maybe it’s a good thing I didn’t take any medication.  The therapist said it was anxiety, but I didn’t care.  I get nervous and anxious; it’s human nature to get nervous and anxious.  In the end, I stopped caring about the counseling.  I just went, because it was paid for in the tuition.  I become emotionless and just answered the questions.  I was never “me” during therapy; it felt like I was someone else, being squeezed for information about particular topics.  I know I worry a lot, but I don’t really call it anxiety.  I’m also not paranoid.  I just worry a lot, about everything in life.  School, work, family, love, friends, etc.

I have classes selected for the spring semester, but I had debated whether to pay for them depending on the job outlook.  At this point, with less than a week to go, I don’t see a job coming my way anytime soon.  Thankfully, my classes are in the morning and I can still do things in the afternoon/evening.  However, it means no more staying up late because I have to start getting up early for class.  At least I won’t have to fight for parking.

Until next time…

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~ by twilightmelfina on January 19, 2011.

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