The future…

I’m being hesitant about my future.  There are so many things I want to do, and well, unfortunately, I can’t do it all.  It’s just not possible.  I have many interests, and I would like to pursue them at some point in the future.  But I feel that my inconsistency and worrying has led me to believe that I can’t do it all, even with proper management.  The economy doesn’t help either.  I want to do so much – study bugs, become a pharmacist, play my miniature games, go to conventions – the list goes on.  It makes me wonder if I knew what I wanted to when I was a kid.  Some people know.  Most people don’t.  My love for bugs is natural, and I want to continue that.  Discovering that I was good at pharmacy, well, was probably a fluke.  I struggled with memorizing trade and generic names of drugs, and repetition was the only way I was going to learn them.  I haven’t had a chance to apply my pharmacy skills to an outside source, since the clinic where I volunteer is nearly paperless and everything is essentially provided (including the food).  I know in an instant they would hire me, but since it is a government position, it requires a year of experience, and well, I don’t have that yet.  They know I can do that work and rarely make mistakes, and I usually catch them early, before the pharmacist checks the prescription.  So, I already know that I’m good at this, but with no pharmacy hiring, I’m seriously out of luck.  It makes me wonder if I’m too qualified for many tech positions because I have a bachelor’s degree, or that having a college degree means I want more money.  Yes, I would like to get paid more because I spent more time in school, but I’m willing to negotiate and take what is offered.

As for relationships and/or friendships, I’m doubting the future.  I’m not as close to certain people as I used to be.  I don’t know if it is that individual or that it’s me.  There’s a lost connection, and I feel that some people have lost their compassion towards others in hopes of being a more general person.  That probably didn’t make any sense, but it does to me.  I know I stand out, and sometimes I know I’m not well-liked.  Sometimes the center of attention is okay, but that’s about it.  Why people make things up, I don’t know, but other people don’t know the truth, and the person harboring the truth is probably hurting a lot inside.  I’ve made up my share of excuses (like stretching the truth), but I don’t make things up so people think I’m absolutely fabulous because of it.  There’s nothing good coming out of making things up, and more than one person gets hurt because of it.

I’m just kind of ranting because I’m tired and I have nothing else to write about.

Until next time…

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~ by twilightmelfina on July 29, 2010.

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