It’s the holidays but…

I’m not feeling it. There’s snow (it was freak weather condition), and frost (it got really cold), but other than that, I’m just not in the holiday mood. I’ve gone out dressed in all black, if that means anything. I have an entire month to waste on doing nothing, since it’ll be the end of January before classes start again, provided that I get into the class I’m on the waitlist for.

No Christmas parties, not enough Christmas lights in the neighborhood – it doesn’t help with the economy is in the gutter too. I want to do something, but what? I stay home most of the day doing absolutely nothing because there is nothing to do. No pharmacy in the entire area is hiring. I’m sorry if I’m just starting out – aren’t we all like that after the program is done? I’m sorry if I don’t have more than a year of experience. I want to volunteer, but I still don’t get the exposure I need. I was disappointed by inpatient because there weren’t enough things to do – at all. I don’t know how they do that 5 days week. I couldn’t do it. I get bored easily, so I constantly need to do things that keep me entertained. Even now, I’m having trouble writing. That’s how bad it is when I’m not doing anything. I should be working, at this age, moved out of my parents’ house and living on my own. Everyone else seems to be doing that but me. But no, I chose a major that is absolutely useless because I can’t teach and the daycare I once volunteered at was sold by its owner. I don’t mind that, but the fact that I can’t put my knowledge to use disappoints me. I know that if I hadn’t slacked off in high school, I probably would have figured out what I wanted to do with my life, instead of sitting here in bed, ranting away about the holidays. I donated some toys/canned food, but I haven’t done anything. I’ve been so lazy, not even taking the time to go to the gym. I really should go.

I’m always saying that I’m going to update more often, but it never happens. I’m hoping to update before the year is over, but I highly doubt it. I’ve even neglected my miniatures and other games because I lack the motivation to get anything done or to learn anything new. I don’t even want to make resolutions because it’s not worth the time making a promise I can’t keep. And it’s like this every year. I want something different next year – hopefully.

Until next time…


~ by twilightmelfina on December 19, 2009.

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