What now?

I’m done, but I don’t feel accomplished. Even with 3 classes, I barely stayed on top of the work, doing everything at the last minute. I don’t even know why I procrastinate so much; it has only made my chances of going to a really good school go down the drain. Of course, I wouldn’t be talking about this if I graduated in 4 years instead of 6, but what’s done is done. Everything is changing so fast, and I’m barely catching up. It makes me wonder if I’m really ready for graduate school if I could barely keep up as an undergraduate. I spent a nice 6 years at San Jose, although the food was only okay and I had a high percentage of always getting new professors.

I think I could have gotten a lot more out of San Jose, but I was so bent on getting out and getting things done on time that I wasn’t able to do anything for myself. 2 years of marching band and 1.5 years of APHIO got me absolutely nothing. I had high hopes, and now I just seem forgotten. I wanted more people to go to my graduation, but everyone seemed so busy, like I wasn’t important enough. The only person that had a good reason for not being able to be there was my boyfriend; everyone else just had some lame excuse. I had 7 extra tickets, all of which will become memories of my boring graduation.

I don’t care about who remembers or forgets me at San Jose; I’ve left that place behind, once and for all. San Jose is the last place I want to do any credential or master’s program (mostly because it’s so far away).

In the end, it makes me wonder what I’ve accomplished. I guess I can figure it out over the summer.

EDIT: So, my writing was a bit harsh.  I wasn’t targeting anyone but myself because I feel as though I didn’t put enough time and effort into my academics; this is why I have horrible management of my time and thus was unable to get any graduate school applications completed.  I think it would be better if I took time off to work on these kinds of things without constant interference.   I know I am able to do all these things on my own, but I need the time, without some deadline in the morning of having to turn things in.  Having homework due the next morning is not going to help me complete graduate school applications the night before.  I just don’t work that way.  I can’t blame anyone for the way my academics have turned out, but I’m hoping that I can make a difference in someone else’s life as my life continue to spins in every which way before finding the right direction.  I enjoyed my major a lot, although I wish there was less research.  I know I can apply it to children, but I don’t know if teaching is really going to be my career of choice.  Well, it’s going to be a long summer of working and figuring out graduate school.

Until next time…


~ by twilightmelfina on May 30, 2007.

One Response to “What now?”

  1. That sounds depressing… well I believe that there is no point in acquiring a profession which leads you to feel empty and such. Maybe you should find a passion and engage in it? Good luck though.

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