This month…

Has been very hectic. I spent the majority of my winter break working and unable to sleep in. Sure, I like making the money and everything, but I didn’t even have a day off. I didn’t get a chance to rest. I had to take a test in an area that I practically got lost in because the signs were so tiny and the directions were not as clear as I thought they would be. School is starting in two days, and I’m hardly even prepared. I haven’t bought my books, and I don’t know where my MLA or my APA handbooks are. I’m really hoping that I didn’t trade them in last spring because I’ve had those books since I’ve been at San Jose, and I value them a lot, even if they just sit on the shelf and collect dust. In the meantime, before I write more, I’m going to go look for them before I go to bed.

UPDATE (1/22): Sometimes I wonder if I’ll ever my act together. I try to do things on my own, but at the same time, people still think that what they do for me is in my best interest. I didn’t want to take the CSET right before school started. It wasn’t until I got back that I realized that I wasted an entire summer that could have been spent on graduate school applications. Not to mention, I hardly stay in touch with anyone from the trip, or anyone at all. I’m just trying to keep my life together before it really falls apart. I’m at a point in my life where I would like to do things on my own, but it’s impossible to be independent without something lagging behind me. It makes me wonder what kind of person I’ve become because of what I have been influenced by in the last few years. I try to let go of things, but the past keeps coming back. I’ll take the blame for not being able to keep my life together, but when I try to argue something, nothing ever goes well. In fact, it feels like the argument meant nothing at all. Nothing ever makes sense anymore. How people think, how I think, and how I wish people would try to understand my perspective. It’s not enough to just listen anymore. I’ve struggled more with my life in the past few years than I can remember, and it’s something I’m trying to understanding without having to pull someone else into it. In the end, it makes me wonder if anything can be changed.

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~ by twilightmelfina on January 24, 2007.

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