Control

Sometimes I think about what is or is not under my control.  My grades are under my control, but for most of my life, I had no motivation or goals to pursue higher things in academics.  Now, I regret not doing so, as it makes me feel like I haven’t accomplished anything academically.  I could be at another school, one with a little more recognition and sports teams that actually win.  I could be done with school right now, if I knew what I wanted to do when I got to college, but I spent so much time figuring it out that it put me 2 years behind my graduation schedule.  I just hope that my 9 remaining classes will be offered, considering that the nutrition class I’m taking is only offered during the spring semester.  That doesn’t make it any easier for me to graduate when my classes aren’t offered when I need to take them.  It makes me wonder if the money my parents pay for me to go to school is worth it because the amount paid is not equal to the education I am receiving. 

But now, Ryan is my motivation because I want to do everything for him, so that he can be proud of me and what I am capable of doing in school and in life. I am thankful for him because things wouldn’t be the same without him.

Then there are things that are out of control.  The things that occur in Ryan’s life are out of my control, but I always try to give him advice on what should be done; however, I can only tell him so much before I begin to invade on his family’s way of doing things.  But when things go wrong in his life that I could have prevented, I believe that those kinds of things are under my control, but I know they are not.  

I was thinking about these things last night, but there is only so much I can write here before exposing every problem that I believe are or are not under my control. 

Anyway, I’m going to try to update every week or something like that, depending on what I feel like writing about.   

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~ by twilightmelfina on April 10, 2006.

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