Midterms have arrived…

Midterms suck.  That’s all I can really say about them.  There is never enough time to study for them, and there is so much material to cover.  I know I’ve been procrastinating, but if the professor is going to have a review session, at least make an announcement about it.  I was trying to study for the midterm in my next class and my professor started to review for class, catching me totally unaware as I was trying to do 2 things at once.  So, as I’m trying to go through my notes for my 163 class, I’m attempting to figure out the review sheet for my administration of justice class. It was so frustrating because she was going so fast, like the Energizer bunny.  I barely managed to catch up, so I know I missed a lot of information.  I’ll be doing a lot of cramming tomorrow…

As for other things going on in my life, my parents are sending me abroad to China for the summer.  Although I don’t really want to go because of Ryan and our birthdays, I know it will be a good experience for me…and I can bring back goodies for everyone.  Thankfully, the program is only for a month, although being across the ocean away from the people that mean the most to me (like Ryan and my parents) makes me kind of nervous because now I really have to hone my not-so-stellar language skills.  De Anza and Foothill College are working together to make this program a reality, so only 20 students are allowed this first time. My mom told me that there were Caucasian people at the information session, so I may have to pull my weight based on my knowledge and broken language skills to get these people somewhere. I really don’t want to be that one person that does everything because I’m obviously not that capable. I was never really planning on studying abroad, but it’s a once in a lifetime opportunity, and I can’t throw that away. The thing is, I know it will affect the relationship more than I want it to, since I won’t be able to be there for Ryan’s birthday or my own. I’m nervous and excited at the same time, but in the end, I don’t know how I’m supposed to feel because there are both advantages and disadvantages of going on this trip. I only have so much time with Ryan as it is now, and I’m cutting a month out of our time together because of this trip. I already know that I have to bring back something worthwhile, as well as a lot of photos. I don’t know when I’ll find out when I’ve been accepted into the program, since I have to get a signature from the school’s study abroad program coordinator and mail that with the application. If I’m being paranoid, that means I probably am.

As for school…besides horrid midterms, I’ve been seeing a counselor. I saw a counselor when my ex and I were together, but it proved useless because he never wanted to talk about his feelings and it was difficult to talk to him at all, about anything. It’s like there was nothing inside. But this time, I believe the counseling is working, and I don’t regret my decision to really figure out if there is anything seriously bothering me. I’ve never been the kind of person to admit to having problems, but I don’t think anyone is like that. I know I’m obsessive compulsive, but I know I have control over that.

Anyway, until next time…

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~ by twilightmelfina on March 11, 2006.

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